apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Randomize