I got chris browned last night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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