Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
