So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
