Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
