I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
