wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
