There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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