does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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