Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
