So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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