i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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