haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
