I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
