i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
