at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
