separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
