these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
