she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize