I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
