Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
