And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
