It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize