We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
