I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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