my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
