She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
