would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your penis caused this!
Panties = found
Randomize
