I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
