If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
