I want to have your abortion
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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