I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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