Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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