So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
