Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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