people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
