I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
