the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
