guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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