things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
