He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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