the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am spending my child support on dildos
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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