we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
