OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
