I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize