Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
