I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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