naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
