She's JV to your varsity
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
