She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
