literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
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