Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
