Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
