Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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