Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
