sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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