her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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