you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
