Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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