turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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